Celtic Thunder!

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

I have a Celtic Thunder threshold of about 67% of one song.

Giggles set in at about 10%, the realization that there is “nothing funny about this” hits at 43%, and the nauseating image of The Pogues and Dropkick Murphys as interpreted by labotomized castrati Osmonds hits at the halfway mark.

The horrible feeling that the whole mess sounds as though it had been arranged by Andrew Lloyd Webber on Nyquil comes at 59%, and the remaining 8% is spent wondering what the audience would think about this if the water hadn’t been just LOADED with thorazine. I feel my soul start to slip away at 65% and use the last remaining ounces of free will to feebly grasp the remote and switch to any other channel.

Tonight I switched to a knitting show that seemed positively edgy and dangerous. I tremble to think what would occur if I ever failed to change the channel…and listened to 70% of one song.

Vote, damn you!

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

When you choose not to vote, you are abdicating your responsibility in the political process. If you don’t like any of the candidates, vote for the one that makes you gag the least.

If you don’t eat because you don’t like what’s in the refrigerator, you WILL go hungry.

Should you choose not to vote, remember that every time you open your mouth to complain about the government, you gave up that right.

Shut up!

Limit corporate contributions! Dammit!

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

We are starting to see what the Supreme Court has done to our electoral system. Thanks.

A flood of corporate contributions have manifested in attack ads against Democrats. Who is paying for them? Dunno. They don’t have to tell us. And they are pretty happy ’bout that.

Let’s get this straight. A corporation is NOT a person. A corporation is an entity, comprised of people. The decisions over what a corporation does with it’s money are made by only a few of those people; those well paid few at the very top.

Allowing a corporation to spend as much as they wish gives those few even more power than they already have. Not only do they have personal assets that allow them to contribute, but now they have the power generated by the work of hundreds, maybe thousands of people in their hands. The power of all of those people subject to their personal political whim.

It is unreasonable to assume that every employee of a corporation shares the same political view.  People who strongly support a political candidate are finding themselves in the position of working forty or more hours each week contributing to the defeat of that candidate.

This is not right. This is not fair. And it sure as hell is not democracy.

Truth

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

Truth is a constant search. To say “I’ve found it!”, then sit on that spot and look no more is to deny one’s own humanity. To demand that others sit there with you is an attempt to strip them of their humanity.

Facts

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

Here are a couple of facts:

1) There is NOT a mosque being built on Ground Zero. The crowd is up in arms about a community center blocks away, next to a mosque that has been there for over 30 years.

2) What IS being planned for Ground Zero is a 55,000 square foot underground retail mall, because the real way to honor the heroes and dead of 9/11 would be licking Cinnabon frosting off our fat, bloated fingers before trying on a $150 pair of Abercrombie jeans.

Organized religion and literal thought

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

When a belief system makes such a strong pronouncement as “there is only one way to God and it is this”, and then condemns any other belief system to the fires of hell, I become very nervous. In that are the roots of tyranny, no different from Islamic fundamentalism.

My mother is Jewish. My father was a Christian Scientist. Already there is comedic potential, but wait, it gets better. Why the marriage didn’t last I can only guess…

When I was five years old I had rheumatic fever. My grandparents on my father’s side were visiting at the time, and remaining true to their firmly held Christian Science beliefs they attempted to heal me through prayer. I remember my grandmother calling the mother church in Boston, and putting me on the phone with someone who tried to correct the error in my thinking that was allowing the illness to take hold.

At a certain point, my mother had enough, and demanded that I be taken to a hospital. Once there, I died.

Not for long, and I was successfully resuscitated, evidently. But for a period of time I was legally dead. I don’t recall any white light, no tunnel. I think I may have smelled bacon….

The point is that a belief, a religious doctrine, held as an absolute, literally killed me.

I know that the obvious response from some standpoints is that it was the wrong belief, however it was no less firmly held. Perhaps more. They were willing to let a five year old child die because of it. The funny thing is they viewed it as their failing, that if their faith had only been stronger they would have successfully healed me.

I will not argue the legitimacy of the the Bible and Christianity, but I will also not argue the legitimacy of the Qu’ran and Islam, the Torah and Judaism, or the Tao Te Ching and Taoism. I believe each, and a host of others, has validity, and that each has been touched by the Divine.

It is only when these ancient texts are subjected to the strangle hold that is fundamentalism that they become somewhat dangerous. A belief that holds itself as an absolute and sole truth is just one very small step away from the decision to see the others as invalid, inferior or threats. From there the perceived need to eliminate them is a product of human, not Divine, nature. Because for whatever these volumes contain, it is subject to human interpretation, and when a human mind is convinced it has Divine justification there in no end to the horrors it can bring about.

The Bible has been through a lot. Translation after translation, each claiming superiority over the other. Translations of texts that come from a time when the human mind was much more metaphorical in nature than it is now. Any attempt to interpret metaphorical thought with a literal mind is doomed to failure on some level.

The truth about gay marriage opposition

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

Nobody has a problem with same sex paying the bills, doing housework, watching tv together, arguing about money, talking about your day, deciding whether to cook at home or order food or stealing the covers. All activities that any married people I know, myself included, spend most of their married time engaged in.

No, the argument against same sex marriage rests entirely in same sex sex. It’s all the people who oppose gay marriage can think about. Two people with matching naughty parts rubbing up against each other, all sweaty and nasty.

As soon as we can stop letting THOSE filthy minded perverts make the decisions for the rest of society there is no barrier to same sex marriage.

Praise the Lord! Jesus has returned!

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

There have been several cases of asexual reproduction documented in komodo dragons. I think that  God has been attempting to send Jesus back for a long time, but in all  of the confusion inherent in creating everything and keeping the entire cosmos running amid the constant chatter of people whining about their lives, begging for their team to win, and screaming for the destruction of things they don’t like he forgot what species to send.

The messiah has returned hundreds of times, people! He’s just a nine foot long, 150 pound voracious lizard with toxic saliva.

Praise the Lord!

Spread this lie!

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

The Black Panthers put LSD in the ink that Walmart uses to print the UPC codes on its products. If you lick them you will trip your ass off.

I like this on a number of levels. First, it’s so impossible, only a complete idiot would believe it. Second, we’ll be able to identify a bunch of complete idiots by going to Walmart and looking for the people surreptitiously licking the products.

Thanks for the new word, Sarah Palin!

Author: Michael Kuhl  |  Category: Rants  |  Comments (0)  |  Add Comment

Refudiate: (transitive verb) To repudiate, and simultaneously refute said repudiation,
giving the appearance of condemning while actually condoning.

With the Tea Party stinking up the political landscape, that one is gonna come in handy.

© 2010-2012 The Official Michael Kuhl Website All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright