I have been away. Mostly because, contrary to what this looks like, I seem to have lost my words. This will be verbose, which is a clear indication that words are failing me.

On March 15th my employer told me to work from home.

On March 20th the Hancock shut down, and our access to the office was put on temporary hold until further notice.

On March 21st Governor Pritzker issued a “Shelter in Place” order through March 31st.

On March 24th I stepped out of social media for a bit.

On March 27th Governor Pritzker extended the “Shelter in Place” order through April 30th.

On April 1st my employer let well over 100 people go. I was extremely fortunate to have made the cut.

On April 10th I popped my head into social media to find that two remarkable people in my life, whose presence in the world made me feel a bit better about all of it, were no longer with us. Not, as far as I know, due to Covid 19, but due to that persistent and constant bastard cancer. The people left behind in those instances are genuinely some of the kindest, most beautiful people I know, and my heart is broken for them.

That is saying a lot. Because I know some inordinately kind and beautiful people.

This is, perhaps, the moment I lost my words.

On April 23rd Governor Pritzker extended the “Shelter in Place” order through May 31st.

I am only checking in on social media occasionally. The arguments are more than I can take. The denial is tantamount to insanity. I am seeing absolute tantrums from people whose world barely extends beyond their own desires.

The updates, the running death toll are more than I can digest. I looked at the numbers today for the first time since March 15th.

Globally 233,829 dead.

US 63,856.

Illinois 2,355.

Cook County 1,347.

I have nothing to say. I have no way to contextualize this. In the past I have been able to find at least some words for what I see in the world, but this is completely different. It’s like nothing I have ever experienced. In all fairness, very few of us have a meter with which we can measure it. The closest I can get, and it’s just a guess, is the generation that lived in fear of polio.

And even then, we had a respected and completely altruistic person who saved us.

A few days ago my wife and I were walking home from the grocery store, decked out in our most fashionable masks and gloves. We weren’t alone in that, but we weren’t in the majority.

We walked past a man who wore neither. As we passed, he laughed. Then in an act of defiant derision he coughed and spat on the sidewalk.

Covid 19 is, in a sense, an absolutely perfect contemporary litmus test for our humanity. It is exposing exactly who we are.

I’m grateful to be working throughout this. I know so many in the entertainment, service and hospitality industry who are facing this with an extra element of financial hardship. These are the times my wife and I run through our “lottery winning fantasies”, in which those people have that burden lifted.

I am intensely grateful to know the human beings I know.

I’m grateful to those who have been and currently are in my life, who have taught and continue to teach me that humanity is not to be taken for granted. That it is a thing of marvelous beauty and all too rare, and each of us bear a responsibility to the other. My world is enhanced by their presence, and their absence creates a void.

Please stay safe and healthy. I kinda need you here.