Years ago my wife and I ran into a bunch of people on the internet who somewhat redefined friendship for me. Prior to the internet there was this notion that, in order to be friends, substantial friends, two people should at least have been in the same room at some point. 

We met this group on one website, and we’ve continued the friendship on Facebook. At various times some of us have gotten together in the real world, but we are spread out all over the world, so meeting in person is a bit impractical. I’ve always held out a hope that we would get together,and there are a few people that I REALLY want to meet in person. I know, from experience, how that would go. It would start with some variation on “Nice to finally meet you!”, followed by a short awkward phase where we get used to the idea that the person we’ve been talking to for all this time is really the person sitting there with us, and then the conversation that we started all those years ago would start up again as if nothing was different. I love that part.

Last night, suddenly, without warning, one of the voices in that conversation went silent. It was a warm, kind, empathetic voice, intelligent, and screamingly funny. Gone. 

I keep asking myself, did he know that his presence in the world was something I enjoyed? Did I ever adequately communicate my feeling that knowing him greatly enhanced my life? That he was, in the truest sense, a valued friend?

When it comes to the end of a life, I have to take the physics approach. Energy cannot be destroyed. It simply changes form. And what is a human life but energy? It was the energy of the people in this group that brought us together, and his was particularly noticeable.  

Someday I expect I will feel something. Like deja vu, it will be a strange familiarity, an unexplained comfortable sense of well being. It will be the continuation of a conversation that only paused for a bit.

I hope I have the presence of mind to say “Hello, Shawn. Nice to finally meet you.”